Friendly Fires

Tammy Wayne is my best girlfriend from Stephens College. She is the mother of four young boys–one still on the teat–and my favourite cigar aficionado. She is real and grounded and not afraid to buy something orange coloured. I love the fact that we continue to have real conversations about real things, even though we have not lived in the same town since we were twenty. August 2007 will ring in 18 years since we met, so we will have spent half-our lives as friends.

Harlot is one of my best friends from NC. She is a nurse in a big-ass ER there and likes to deal with the crazies or with the ladies of the night with scary shit up their girly parts. She is a red head. Enough said. The woman has “Baby Got Back” as my special ring tone on her cell phone. Is she trying to tell me something? If I were to ever leave the boys behind and embrace the girls on all levels, Harlot would be my fantasy grrl…if for no other reason than to find how just how much of a true red-head she is! Of course after reading that I posted the last sentence, Harlot wanted me to clarify that she likes Hockey Boys that come direct from the factory with their own stick. Every woman has their thing. She likes “men whose faces look like they have been skated on”…and yes, that is a quote. To each their own.

Song Bird is Harlot’s daughter. She too is an honorary niece. Song Bird thinks hard about herself, something I relate to, and is very very wise.

Paparazzo is my best guy friend. He gets his nickname from the fact that he is always taking my picture!!! And, he is the only person to consistently take ones that I think look like me. He is also my movie buddy, although I never inflict chick flicks on him. (Say that three times fast!) He is kind, smart, silly and he has this really deep side that he hides from most people. I met Paparazzo with Paulina Ballerina at PF Chang’s. He fought some lady for the bar-stool next to us–he knew a good thing when he saw it! Who knew that this Shirley Temple drinking, calamari eating guy would become such a close friend? Amazing.

Fundraiser is my other best guy friend. We met when we both worked for a non-profit in NC. He currently is raising money for the Quakers, and he is always willing to accept money on their behalf (hint, hint). He reads, something I love, has the most amazing dry wit, and is without a doubt the best hugger of all my friends. He also has this really cool loft in NC, where napping is always encouraged. Also, tender comrade is his boyfriend.

Paulina Ballerina and I met in the summer of 2005. I had just met Plant Geek, and she was doing the last stages of emotionally leaving her break-up and flirting Divorced Man With Ten Children and an Ex-Girlfriend With a Schizophrenic Son. Okay, maybe not ten, but still, you get the drift! Thankfully this flirtation was just a phase! We both needed support and new friends then, so we quickly connected deeply. She is a Realtor and works for Mom & Dad. She is also a ballerina, hence the nickname, and going back to college to become a psychologist. Paulina Ballerina is super smart, kind and funny. I love a girl with a good vocabulary! We still do not agree about comma usage sometimes, but it is okay. I am right! (sometimes)

Mom & Dad are the two Realtors I worked for while writing my Ordination Papers. They are an amazing couple, and my best example of a long-time love working between two people. Together they are generous, funny, always willing to go do something, and kind beyond measure. I love that Mom always “gets it.” She has been through things in her life, so she understands when you do too. She is also another “force of nature.” Dad is more reserved, but when he laughs your whole heart lights up. I know he always has my best interest at heart.

Miss Douglas is my best fun friend! She lives in North Carolina, teaches kindergarten, gave birth to my God-son, makes a mean batch of guacamole, and has the best attitude of anyone I know. I met her through her mother, Rev. Covert Operative–given how she likes to hide the fact that she went to seminary from all her posh friends–and it was “friendship at first sight.” Her husband has offered me his sperm, given what cute babies he makes, but I decided to decline. I know that a little sperm should not come between friends, but I am just an old fashioned girl that way.

The Boys–Bubbie and The Joker–live in my apartment building, are in-luvahhhh, and adopted me the moment we met. The Joker is an ordained deacon in the Metropolitan Community Church, a total Jesus Freak, and chain smokes like you would not believe. He may go to seminary one day, which I think would be great. I just want him to come to the UCC, where he will have more opportunities and–dare I say it–minister to the straights too. Bubbie is my very own doting Jewish Mother wrapped in the body of a 20-something guy. He went to medical school for a while, but is now going to go and become a Social Worker. He takes amazing care of everyone, talks a million miles a minute, and is the Co-Chair of the Ft. Lauderdale chapter of Drinking Liberally with me. This is Hi-lare-I-ous given he does not drink at all. He does make amazing Matzo Ball Soup though.

Pixie is a friend from work and a Social Worker. She and Darling are very close friends too, but I tend to see them separately. Pixie comes out to Drinking Liberally, which is how she and I became true friends. She is smart, beautiful, kind and generous even in her poverty! I love that she just gets it. She is also funny as all get out. Too bad Seal found Hedi before meeting her…they would have been perfect together.

Stepford is my girlfriend in NY trying so damn hard to not give into the Stepford Wife Brain Trust, where smart women go to die in the name of Volvo station wagons, golf, and liquid lunches at the Club.  She rocks the tattoos at the park, mixes a bad-ass Margurita, and uses her brain as much as her three kids will allow.  She is an amazing writer, possess an artistic eye (curtosy of both parents), and gets it.  You know?  Life!  She gets life.  She is also a wonderful person to talk about food issues with.  God I love this girl!